Proud Inhabitant of the Procrasti-Nation

I have, since early childhood, nurtured and perfected the art of procrastination.  As a matter of fact, I have considered myself a master craftsman in the field.  As a wee lass, I would put off telling my parents about a big project until sometimes the night before it was due ... if at all.  And, I can recall many a weekends' outing to Saint Mary's University or UTSA libraries to do some last minute research for term papers during my high-school years. 

Thinking back, those are some of my fondest memories, actually.  I didn't have a car until just after graduation, so I had to depend on the boyfriend de jour, or my best friend (who was usually in need of a jaunt to the library resulting from her own predilection towards procrastination) to take me to the local stacks.  So, rarely did I ever have to face the mountains of potential term-paper fodder alone.  As such, after weeks of procrastinating the actual trip to the library, I could spend hours fooling about with my trusty side-kick instead of actually working on the term paper research while at the library.

If memory serves, my reports and papers (as well as essay exams) ended up being 40% actual material and a good 60% "fluff".  The amazing thing to me is that I always managed to pull A's.  In fact, I may have learned some sort of lasting life lesson had my procrastination ever bit me in the arse, but it never did.  On the contrary, I seemed to thrive on the pressure of impending doom.

"This all very interesting, Sam.  But what brought on this little jaunt down memory lane?"

I'm so very glad you asked, kind reader.

I was recently on Facebook, and I happened across the "What 'The Office' Character Are You?" quiz.  I'm a fan of the show, so I dove into the inane questions to see what they could portend about my life, as it relates to Dunder Mifflin.

Voilà! I am Jim Halpert.  Not too shabby!  He's cute.  He's funny.  ... he spends more time talking to the receptionist and/or harassing unsuspecting work-mates than he does on his actual job.  In fact, let's go to the text accompanying the outcome of this wonderful little quiz, shall we?

"You are Jim Halpert, an employee of great untapped potential. Rather than spending your time on your work, however, you do what is necessary and spend the rest of your time goofing off."

 
Wait! I'm not like that, am I? Well, not anymore, at least.

... right??

Hrmmm.  Let's take a look at the evidence.

If it pleases the court:
Exhibit A - I opened this post, and began writing on November 4th (the night I actually took the quiz). But then, I just moved on to other things, namely starting and outlining three other "future" blog posts (which, as you may have noticed, have not been posted either).  Today is the 15th, and I'm not altogether sure that it'll even get finished and posted today.

Exhibit B - My short story.  I've been in research and character development for quite some time now, but I've only actually written the opening paragraph.  In my defense, there's quite a bit of research to be done, as it's a piece of historical fiction. My OCD demands that I get the background information just right. I want to know the time/place/events surrounding my characters very well so that I'm completely comfortable writing their dialog, and making them move about in the story. But I've only spent just a handful of days emersed in my research stuffs, truth be told.  I can't expect the information to hop off the pages and into my brain.  Perhaps if I fell asleep at the keybord with Google Books up. Genius! Could I expect some bizarre form of internet osmosis to take place? Or if I could, just once, jack in to the 'Matrix' and learn that way. Oh the thinks I could think!!

But I digress (more often than not, and at great length)...

There are various points in the day (or, more accurately, the evening - as I work during the day for the majority of the week) in which I find my mind turning to one or more of the things that I want to get done.  ... and if that something is on my "Procrastinating for One Reason or Another" list, the mind takes an immediate u-turn to the list of things that I maybe could do instead.  High atop that list of late has been: a. puttering around on Facebook, b. playing on the Playstation, c. watching shows I've "dvr-ed" from the History Channel or Palladia, d. reading someone else's opes (or, is it opera? ...)

 - insert 20 mintues while the author got sidetracked looking up the correct plural form of the word "opus" -

Your honor, the prosecution rests.

A bit of an introduction ...

If you're here, it's because you either know me, or have known some long since past iteration of the me who has grown into what I am today.  Either way, welcome to my little corner of the ether.  I was inspired to take my writing out of the notebooks I keep hidden away, and put it out on the "interwebs" by my long lost brother (from anotha mutha), who's blog link you can find to the right (no pressure, Rick).  Anyway, that's the 'how'.  On to the 'why' ...

I have been told by more than one person that I am very tough to get close to.  I don't mean that in the romantic sense, because my physical self has never been as closely guarded as has been my real essence: my feelings, my insight, my id.  I am mostly inclined to keep my own council with regard to things that are of import, and there are very few with whom I can say I share any more but the most superficial details about what I think, how I feel, or how I view this world.  So, the unfortunate truth is that to say you "know" me is to say you know one of the many "me-masks" that I put on for your benefit.  Maybe I'm no different than anyone else in this respect, but I digress. If you've ever found yourself wondering what's really going on behind these hazel eyes, then you may find what you're looking for here.

I'm going to pause and say that this is a mostly selfish venture on my part.  While I am posting this blog on the internet, and am leaving it open for anyone and everyone who happens upon it to comment as they wish, I'm mostly doing this for me - not so much for you, the reader.  Writers have to write, after all ... it's what we do.  This is part of my cobweb clearing process. I have, up to this point, kept my observations and rantings neatly tucked away in my notebooks, thereby keeping the hapless outside world safe from me (and vice versa?).  Bearing that in mind, I don't know that I'll have any more of an audience with my stuff out in the open than I do with it closeted away ~ but in case a few of you decide to strap in and ride along with me, I suppose I should lay down some facts that will help to shed some light on my paradigm.

I am, in regard to my political views, a conservative (not Republican, but conservative - there is a difference). I am also a Christian (non-denominational, if it matters or you're curious).  These are two facts about me that you already know, if you're more than a casual acquaintance, because I do not and will not ever hide, deny, or make excuses for them. That being said, however, I do not particularly feel I have been called to be an evangelist, and only feel called to be an apologist when asked why I believe what I do.  So there you go.  I do not proselytize, which is an affront to some who share my faith - but at the same time, I will never hesitate to "give an answer to anyone who asks about the hope that lies within" me.

The other great love that defines my world-view is that which I bear for the "Arts".  I read voraciously, and have what can only be described as eclectic musical tastes. It would seem to some that these other things which I appreciate are "too worldly," and are set in direct opposition to the first two aspects of my nature which I've just described.  I have an avid appreciation for human expression, and a deep respect for anyone who writes or performs anything that makes me feel.  While I appreciate the beauty of art which glorifies the Creator, what I am usually drawn to is more visceral (a song about unrequited emotion, a movie about hardship, a play depicting loss ... opera!).  Give me emotion, give me feeling!  Express your reaction to the human condition! These are things that strike accord with me. As a rule, the sires of these progeny do not share my conservative Christian views. And, conversely, other Christians might view these things that I openly profess to love as damaging to my Testimony.

So, here I am, the apparent walking contradiction.  A tale of two Sammies ... it was the best of times, it was the worst of times...  If you hold me up on any sort of a pedestal, don't be surprised when I knock myself right off of it. I'm removing the filter that usually rests between my brain and my fingers, so if you continue to read, you do so at the risk of really getting to know me.  Scared yet?  I am!

So, without further ado, welcome to the parlor which is situated between my ears.  Make yourself comfortable, taking care to mind the sharp corners - Oh! and watch out for the carnivorous dust bunnies ...